whether you change or not

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“Jesus the risen Christ is with us this moment. Right here, right now loves you and accepts you just as you are.

You do not have to change to get his love. You do not have to give up your sin. You do not have to have a conversion experience. Obviously, Jesus wants you to change and yes he wants you to give up your sin and your selfishness… be converted and live, experience the freedom of the children of God but you don’t have to do that to get his love and acceptance. You have that already, before you decide to change and whether you decide to change or not.

Do you believe this?”

(part of a talk that I was watching given by Brennan Manning)

How absolutely scarily beautiful is that?!!

All covered up in Love

Laying here in bed just enjoying the love of God as I prayed in my heart after getting my little boy back to sleep. One of those moments where a sweet stillness has come and the heaviness has lifted off of your soul and Love has grabbed your attention with His sweetness. Then unbidden, in creeps the truth about what I have done – something I am guilty of – to try and ruin my joy.

Well tonight I wasn’t having any of that so I began to pray again, to get out of my own mind and keep enjoying Jesus and how much he loves me. And you know what happened? I heard His voice talking about Grace. I saw a picture of it. I was standing under the sky and because of my thoughts about my sin felt the acceptance and happiness draining away from me and God pulled the ripcord on a parachute that I didn’t even know I was wearing. And when the parachute launched into the sky above me it completely covered all that I saw. It was a big canopy of actual grace over me. As it began to fall it changed all it touched. It made a new sky over me – a new reality. God said, “Grace touches everything you are.” The truth of what happened is there but the reality of grace is that mercy triumphs over judgment and you are going from here all covered and loved and new. Grace even seeps into what you were and bad choices you’ve made and forgives them. Touches them with the new reality that is grace itself. Such a heavy weight lifted all because of Love!

Nope. Not going to steal my joy from me tonight.

I’m still enjoying being so loved so I’m going to end this here. 🙂

Goodnight.

no time. what a mess.

I have no time.

No time to sit in the quiet and think. No time to put my head down on my desk and be.

No time for stillness.

So you come to me in the night. When my mind won’t shut down. When the baby is in bed with us. When they are in deep sleep and I am staring at the darkness as they snore.

What I’ve done…

I think, I know, I’ve lost myself. Who I was. The quest for goodness. For holiness. I’ve thrown it aside like a used towel. And I haven’t the desire to look back or pick it up.

So here I am. And here you are.

What you said… What you showed me…

When I wasn’t even asking you to, I wasn’t even praying. Or maybe I was.

Just trying to survive. And I took it into my own hands. And you loved me deeply. And you still do. And I’ll probably make the same decision again and it scares me… but I’m okay about it too.

Why don’t they teach this stuff on Sundays? I’m still loved. You still speak. I hope – I don’t want my heart to grow cold to you. I always thought it was all or nothing but I’m human and today, I can’t give you all. I gave some of myself away to the need that we had because I honestly don’t know how to receive from you. Is there a secret you’re keeping? Or maybe I’ve been taught inaccurately about this too. Expectations and things that I don’t understand.

Disappointed in myself, but not beating myself up. Surviving. Yet, you revealed love and dreams and your presence. I’m confused, but blessed.

I love you.

(I listened to this last night, before you showed up strong. It reminds me of what I’m sharing: http://vimeo.com/18884039)

 

 

“Oh, you weak, beautiful people who give up with such grace. What you need is someone to take hold of you — gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.”
(Tennessee Williams)

This is pretty much my favorite quote ever. Why? Because I am weak and I am beautiful and I need my life handed back to me often from Love Himself.

I love God!!!!!!