As most of you know I have been exploring what Christianity means. I guess you could say I am working out my salvation. Lately, I’ve been realizing the wonder that each so called normal moment holds. From spending time with my husband and sons, to making the choice to be merciful and kind to someone who has hurt me. Here are my thoughts last night as I (for once!) understood what the Way was through that moment and the feelings involved in it:
Maybe the only comfort I have right now is doing what is loving and right. I always thought comfort was about God helping me feel better but that’s not necessarily it. This time it was showing mercy to someone who hurt me. How is that comfort? Because within that act love and forgiveness and focusing on someone else’s need instead of my own was in action and love being given is what brings life. I am discovering that this is where I connect most deeply with the Presence of God.
I may not feel that I am being comforted during the act or after the fact, but I know that I have loved someone who has not been able to love themselves or shed any tears for a very long time. And you know what? God was in the midst of my act of love. And I really was comforted by Him. Not because I am so awesome for making a right choice but because He lives in the very acts of loving someone. Jesus was so present there. I was humbled to be able to give love.
Ever since I came home from England after working on the streets with the lonely and the drunk people, I have been frustrated that I am not in that lifestyle anymore. I have ranted and raved here on this blog about being stuck in my cubicle prison cell. However, I am becoming aware of the fact that someone in my very own house was who I could serve last night. It filled my spirit up with awe to give love to someone in my house last night just as much as walking those streets in England did.
God is everywhere and in Him we do live and move and have our being. Only, it’s taken me awhile to get the hang of recognizing that He’s telling the truth when He says that.
He is real.