“But as for me, I trust in you, O Lord, I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands.” Psalms 31: 14,15a
I remember sitting with my friend as she was crying. The warm sunlight was streaming through the window while she told me that she didn’t know how to explain to her then three year old son that he was a mistake. She’d become pregnant with him in her teens and had been on her way to the abortion clinic when Jesus intervened and changed her plans.
She said to me, “How do I explain to him that he was a mistake?” She didn’t feel that it was a mistake that he was in her life, but she was struggling with the fact of his unplanned conception to a young, unwed mom and a father who wanted no part of him.
I don’t know why I knew the answer that I gave her, but I knew it without doubt. We read Psalm 139.
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
-Psalms 139:13-17 (NASB)
I’ve always believed (I’m sharing with you what I shared with her) that I was meant to be Shannon. No matter the circumstances of my conception (my parents were married when I was conceived. However, pizza and beer had a lot more to do with it than careful planning and because of this my mom was always afraid I’d I’d feel unwanted. It’s a true story and, opposite of what she feared, I love the fact that pizza and beer were in my beginnings. Ha!), no matter the exact year or place, my spirit, my personality, my self, my life was in God’s heart before even the heavens and the earth were created. I was meant to be and so I am.
Now, here I am in this messy life, with its ups and downs and sadness. Its questions and joy. Its fun and family and friends and all the things I wrestle with. And my life is in his hands.
My friend was freed from the fear and worry that day. She realized her son was NOT EVEN CLOSE to being a mistake. And neither are you. And neither am I.
I dreamt this. I dreamt of writing this post last night. God spoke to me, telling me what I needed to hear. My times are in His hands. I dreamt of the conversation so long ago with my friend, I dreamt of sharing it. So here it is. Maybe some of it is for you. Some of it is definitely for me.
🙂 Have a good one, guys.