a lot to say, but not saying much

I haven’t written much at all this past month.  It’s not that I don’t have a lot of thoughts and feelings and even some small revelations swirling around inside me.  It’s time.  It’s time and energy. 

It’s also the fact that I don’t really pay attention to the things that I hear these days like I used to.

I miss that.

I miss God. Me and God lately, well, I fear He has been buried beneath a bunch of worry, a bunch of “what am I going to do to help us get through this month” self-sufficient thoughts and lethargy due to discouragement. 

Yet, I have finally done a little step that God led me to do that I was putting off for months. That feels good, but I miss my close friendship with Jesus. The listening, the revelations, the seeking with a hearty hunger that made me feel alive.

I have been under a lot of guilt too.

Where did all this crap come from and when did the horizon that I’m looking toward get so dull and vague?

Dang I sound a bit depressed! But I’m not.  I’m just honest. Truly being honest. I can’t write a lovely blog post today.  I’ve gotten really pumped up when I’ve written a few articles for another site recently, but then…. but then it sort of ebbs away and I’m right back in the 9-5 numbness.

Any suggestions that won’t make me want to scream??  What kind of self-pity have I gotten into lately??

SHEESH!!!!!!

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One thought on “a lot to say, but not saying much

  1. Hey you
    I came to see what has happened to you… tough days, huh? Forget the guilt, Shannon – it’s not surprising you struggle to connect with the unseen stuff when you have a young child needing all your attention. Best thing is just to accept this is how it IS at the moment – and Jesus loves you anyway! Of course He is always wanting to meet with you, but that inner place of the heart is where He is, and you are not far away from that – you carry it with you. You carry Him with you! Just re-tune the radio and start to see and hear Him all around you in your life, in creation, in people, in your husband and son. You don’t have to perform, create rituals and special times everyday… although once He grabs you again that may well follow…

    The desert is a hard place, feelings let us down, but Jesus is always near and you can just smile at Him today!

    With love and prayers
    Sally Ann xx

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