tired of the instructions

I read some from a book tonight about Christianity. About using what you’ve been given and how God’s favor looks to rest upon those who do not ignore Him and what He’s given them.

I felt like a total failure reading it.  Not deep depression saying “I’m so terrible” to myself over and over again.  It was tiredness.  I don’t even know where to begin to start new.  To find strength to dream of God things again.  To dare to listen to the Way again.

All these instructions coming at us in books and teachings.  How did they do it without any Christian books and seminars and music?  Where is the core of life who will change me without me trying to get to a place where I can feel like I’m able to be good enough?

I have found myself jealous of the people I know who genuinely love God and live in His love.  I miss the flowing of life that happens when living that way and can honestly say that I am stuck.  I don’t think I need to hear anymore “how to” teachings.  I need to not be stuck anymore and I need to hear who I am.

4 thoughts on “tired of the instructions

  1. Thanks for such honesty Shannon. Your words of gut level reality mean more to me and I am sure God than 99.9% of Christian how to books and sermons. Why have we turned the Bible into a text book when all God wanted it to be was a love story, a story of journey, a story of people, broken people, A book full of forgiven failures that wrestle with life and God. Of people who get stuck and find the divine in the sticky place. People living without trying to label themselves. People confused, lost, lonely but saying I am me and that is who I am going to be. Being changed without changing. Like the rocks being corroded by the sea, to the naked eye nothing is happening, but it is. In your discouragement be encouraged. In your being stuck move on. In your not knowing know. Shannon thank you for sharing without pretence.

  2. Hello, Shannon! I think you have just done that – ‘shared what you have been given’…..You have blessed us by your honesty, integrity and the making of yourself vulnerable. Rarity, indeed! We have heard, are listening…and so is He! And not with a frown, but a smile.

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