pre-packaged

I’ve got all these things that I say about letting God out of the box we’ve got him in, but DANG do I have Jesus pre-packaged in my head.  I would just LOVE to not know what to think of Him or expect from Him… but my mind often (OFTEN!) thinks that He will or won’t do that, or does or doesn’t work that way (because of the way I’ve behaved in the past or present or because I think I know Him well).

Last night when Patrik and the baby were sleeping, I couldn’t sleep.  I sat up in the dark and everything was really still.  I just sat there and felt how tied up I am inside.  And in the really dark stillness, for a split second, I felt God near, and I told Him that I just don’t know anything, and said, “please just help me”.  It didn’t even feel like a prayer, really, but a moment and an encounter and then everything felt normal again.

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