beautiful eli

Seriously, until you were born I never understood how God could have grace for me and towards me.  I have always struggled with a low love for myself and guilt for some ugly and shameful things I have done in my life. I have wrestled trying to believe God loves me because I haven’t often grasped that He could forgive me or enjoy me or want to love me.  And then you were born.  Now I understand how God can love me and forgive me for anything because I love you forever, Eli, and you being mine has taught me about the grace and the love that the Father LAVISHES upon us, like the scripture says.  I LOVE who you are!!  You are you and that is enough.  You are you and I want you to grow more and become stronger and learn and love and live fully.  You don’t have to do anything except be and my heart gets so filled up with joy that it seriously trips me out and I often laugh out loud because the joy just overflows out of me and becomes a sweet laugh when I’m with you.  In the middle of the night when I’m exhausted and you need to be fed or need your diaper changed, it delights me to see your sleepy face, to kiss and cuddle you and to give you what you need.  I love you sweet Eli. I never got it until now… God loves me the way I love you.  Know this, little one:  Your life has already shown at least one person the absolute love of God!  You make me (and your daddy and your grandparents and your aunties and your cousins) completely, completely happy.  I love you!

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